When I Don't Understand I'll Choose You!

Days before my diagnosis, and since that time, I have had good days, bad days, ok days, and terrible days. 

Lately, I have been recognizing that cherishing those good and ok days make such a difference.  

Yesterday at church, (and well, every Sunday), people ask me how I have been doing. At first, I would think of my week. Which was actually pretty bad. There were more bad days than ok and good days. But then, I though how last week was the past and I needed to think about THAT day...Sunday. And Sunday was a good day! I actually slept and Elin and I made it to church! Praise the Lord for the 11:00 service! ;)  

The frustrating thing is that, I feel like I can never plan anything because I never know how I am going to feel. I am a planner. This has been a challenge for me. I am the type of person who says I'm going to do something or be somewhere, I do it and am there!

I just don't know if I will be able to get sleep, have a day of pain and exhaustion, or if my heart will act up and go crazy for the day! (those are the struggles with my body right now)

I have been learning how not let these fears and worries overwhelm me. It's tough.

I am studying the book of James right now. I am so grateful for my beautiful friend Rachel who decided to share this study with our church after going through the study herself. The Bible study is by Beth Moore. It is so great for me right now as I go through these difficult days of unknown!

What helps me get through, is knowing that even though those bad days may come, is knowing I can't take the time to dwell on them and worry of their coming. 

James 1:2-4 says, 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

There is a section in the study that picks apart this scripture. It really spoke to me:

"You see, left alone (without Christ), that's just what trials are: robbers. Takers. Let me show you one more vivid name for them. The Greek word for "trials" (peirasmois) is linked to the term "peirates." Cross the first "e" out, and what do you have? (PIRATES) They steal your security, dignity, dreams, and sometimes your spouse and friends. They board up your ship and "pirate" the gold meant to be yours on the shore. 

Unless you're in Christ (which we all are if we choose). That's what James is saying. Trials don't get to steal from followers of Christ unless we hand over the goods. In fact, they're commanded to give goods to us if we're willing to receive them. Robber or reapers, it's up to us."

-James Mercy Triumphs, Beth Moore Pg. 45

I leave you with this wonderful song! I love this song! My friend Rachel, (as I shared above...yup...same friend...shes wonderful), reminded me of my love for this song yesterday afternoon. Let the words soak into your heart and mind as you dwell on the words.

I Breathe You In, God
Bryan and Katie Torwalt

The presence of the living God,
satisfies the depths of my heart
all of me changed when you came,
Iʼm made free by Your glory and grace

I breathe You in God, cause You are thick all around me
I breathe You in God, cause You are thick all around me
You are Good God, For You are good to me
You are Good God, For You are good to me

The brightness of Your loves pure light,
Pierces through the darkest of nights
Everything is possible now,
For God is here and God is good

When I donʼt understand Iʼll choose You
When I donʼt understand I will choose You God
When I donʼt understand I will choose to Love You God 

LOVE that last part!!