Tammy then takes me to a room where she takes my blood pressure and I wait for the doc. I see the boards on the wall explaining kidney disease and wonder if I will rank anywhere on the scale. Mainly concerned if I will get to that lovely dialysis level. Sometimes as a nurse, it's not so great knowing these things! My guy and I chat about what we think he is going to say. Finally, the doc comes in. He asks about my symptoms. I tell him about the pain, swelling, fatigue, night sweats, cold chills, and just plain BLAH feeling every day. That all I want to do is sleep, when just a couple weeks ago I had to most energy I had ever had! By this time, not only did I have the regular swelling that made my legs a little bigger, but I started experiencing pitting edema.
Pitting Edema: a physical examination finding that occurs when you press on a patient's skin, usually the shins, ankles, or feet, and a "pit" forms at the site of
pressure. Pitting edema is graded on scale from 1 to 4, which is based
on both the depth the "pit” leaves and how long the pit remains. Source
(I did take a picture of my actual leg when I had the pitting edema. But my sister was grossed out that I had it on my phone so I deleted it :-P)
He then starts going over my labs. I acted surprised, like I hadn’t seen the results. Knowing that I’m an RN in the hospital he says, “you already saw these didn’t you?” Well yes, yes I have! ;) He then confirmed that I did indeed have nephrotic syndrome, but was not sure what was causing it (just as my PCP had told me). He explained that in order to treat me he would need to perform a kidney biopsy. A what!? As in big needle, jammed through my back, straight into my kidney, pulling out a piece of my organ!? Yup, that’s exactly what he meant!
I remember looking at Jared, then looking back at doc. Back and forth. They were both just looking at me, waiting. Waiting for my reaction I guess. My eyes began to well with tears. That wonderful lump stuck in my throat. “Really?” I exclaimed. My doc is so calm. Just like my guy. Not saying anything, but letting me think. Then there is me who wants to ask question after question, anxiously trying to process everything.
He wanted to do the biopsy as soon as possible so we could begin treatments before the damage got worse. So we scheduled the biopsy at the best hospital around, for that Friday at 9am. I would have to stay overnight for observation to make sure no complications occurred (for those of you that know where I work, you know which hospital I am referring to) :)
I let my family know what was going on and that the biopsy was scheduled. I also had to call work to let them know that I would not be able to work that day or weekend. Oh, I would be there, as a patient unfortunately, but not as a nurse.
The next night was the traditional Maunday Thursday service at church. Maunday Thursday is held on the Thursday before Easter and commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ. Ever since our current pastor has been at our church, he uses this service not only to participate in communion, but also as a healing service. My family was there, as we usually go each year. There was some music at the beginning. A time of preaching from Pastor J. Then a moment where people from the church shared about their hurts and how God had healed them. Some people spoke of physical healing, while others spoke of emotional healing. It was a powerful night of testimony, hearing about the Lord's faithfulness. One man from our church shared his story of recent healing. He was healed of kidney disease. Sometimes we think that God only heals miraculously. Like, in a moment, without medical intervention. And let me tell you people, HE STILL DOES!! But in his case, healing came through a gracious kidney donor in our church. His story is quite amazing! I was captivated by his story, knowing that I may find myself there where he was. Sharing my own story. After the time of sharing, Pastor J invited those who would like to receive healing from whatever! Physical, mental, emotional, habits. You name it. We all need healed from SOMETHING! James 5:14 says. "Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord." I went up front that night. Surrounded by my family, friends, and church family. I asked God to heal me however he chooses. Sure, a right now healing would be great (and I still expect and pray for that every day!) He didn't choose to heal me right then, but in that moment I was able to let him take all of me. My worry, control, fear, anger, confusion, and say here you go. It's all yours. What a relief not to have to deal with it. (and just to make it clear, this is something I also have to choose to do daily!) Just to know that I don't need to have control of this situation is so great!
It is so awesome to know that no matter where you are in life, HE WANTS YOU! You may think, but I'm a terrible person, or you just don't know the things I've done. Psssht! Aren't we all undeserving of his love!?! I won't even get to where I've been and the things I've done. That's a whole other blog in itself! I don't have time for that. It doesn't matter anyway because Jesus already gave himself for me and you! He loves you regardless. Accept that today! Know his love for you. His amazing love!
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